I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
