i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
