Where is the hickey?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
