Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
