She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
