So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she peed on how many people?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
