He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
