My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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