I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
