i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
