is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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