There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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