Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
