here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
