Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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