im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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