I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
