i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
