RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
