found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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