he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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