I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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