I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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