My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
id be glad to
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
