Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
