btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
