that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
