Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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