i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
