Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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