twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
