Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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