So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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