Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
