I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
