I want to have your abortion
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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