Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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