with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
