I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
