My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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