My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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