Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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