Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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