Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
