the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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