I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
