I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
