dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
