I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
