Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
