I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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