i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
